What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow
by ViraLayton
Summary: When the class takes a test to see who their perfect match would be in life, unbeknownst to them, they get themselves? OOC CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO MARTINO
1. Stan Marsh

_**What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?**_

**CHAPTER 1: Stan Marsh**

**Day: Thursday**

**~By ViraLayton~**

**~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~**

"Alright class now listen up!" Mr. Garison announced, "We will be taking a test to determine who your perfect match would be in a relationship. Now it will be using you and all the other 16-17 year olds across the United States." Stan looked at Wendy. She winked at him. "You are to return the test to me by tomorrow. You are to do this ALL BY YOURSELVES. Comprende?" the class nodded. The bell rang, signalling the dismissal of the school day. Wendy ran up to Stan at his locker.

"Hey Stan. What're you doing after school?" she asked him.

"Test, homework, dog. I'll be done by… 10:00 ish."

"Oh, Ok…" she started to walk away.

"Wait! I don't… necessarily have to do those DIRECTLY when I get home." she perked up. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the school. He slung his book bag over his shoulder she smiled at him and tightened her grip on his hand. They were silent. Wendy adjusted her dark pink beret. They arrived at her house minutes later, still enveloped in silence. He led her up to the door.

"Thanks." she smiled. Stan nodded. He leaned in close to her face, close enough to kiss her. So close… so clo-

"DON'T THROW UP, STAN!" Cartman yelled. Stan balled his hands up into fists.

"I've gotta go." he told Wendy. She nodded then rushed inside. Stan ran over to his friends. Cartman was staring at him, Kenny was doubled over in laughter, and Kyle was staring angrily at Cartman with his arms crossed.

"What the hell, fatass?" he yelled.

"I just couldn't pass up the opportunity." he smirked. He pushed past him and Kenny. Kyle ran up next to me.

"You alright, dude?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I just wish Cartman would quit being such a moment-ruinner." Stan kicked a rock into the street. It bounced off some guys' windshield, causing him to spin out of control and crash into a signpost that said 'Need a hand? Allstate can help.'

"Dude, what's up with you?" normally he would have told him, but he was too angry to tell him. Stan ran home and rushed to his room, slamming the door behind him. He locked the door and threw himself onto his bed. He dug through his book bag until he found the test and a pencil.

"Might as well get it over with."

1. Would you prefer:

(a) A walk on the beach

(b) Stroll through town

(c) Stargazing in the country

(d) Night at the movies

(e) Video gaming

He picked e.

2. What is your favourite colour?

(a) red

(b) Orange

(c) Yellow

(d) Green

(e) Blue

He picked e. He skimmed over the questions quickly, then arriving at the last question.

50. What do you look for in a potential partner?

(a) Funny

(b) Adventurous

(c) Musical

(d) Romantic

(e) Sporty

He picked the last answer. He stuffed the test in his backpack and lay down on his bed. He threw his hat at his desk and shut his eyes. He thought he fell asleep, but really, he had just passed out.

He woke up at one in the morning.

By something scratching outside his window. Stan sat up. Someone slid open his window and rolled into his room. He stood and pulled something out of his back pocket. It glinted in the faint light. A knife.

"Stan?" someone called. "It's alright… I'm not gonna kill you."

_Yeah, right_. Stan silently slid off his bed and underneath it. He pulled out his cell and texted Kyle.

_I think someone's trying to kill me._

_You're imagining things. Go 2 sleep, Stan. Ur probably just dreaming._

_No, it's a legit guy with a legit knife._

_Whtevr._

Stan threw the phone down in rage. The guy in his room flung open Stan's closet, then his door. He flipped the switch. Then turned it back off. He rushed back to the window. Stan watched him slip out his window. He sat back on his bed.

"Who the hell was that?" he didn't want to know anyway.

"Alright class, hand in your partner tests." Mr. Garrison yelled. Stan pulled out his test from his back pocket. He passed it up to the kid in front of him. Wendy looked at him.

"Are you alright, Stan?" she asked he put his head down on his desk. The sound reverberated through his skull. He looked at her.

"No." he whispered. Mr. Garrison surveyed the class. "It's Friday, try to show some excitement." the class groaned. "You will receive your results after lunch. Now go." The bell rung as if on cue.

Stan got his lunch of a Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes. Stan took his seat next to Kyle across from Kenny.

"Dude, you alright?" Kyle looked confused.

"I swear, the next person who asks that is gonna die." he growled.

"Ok jeez, don't eat me." Kenny grinned.

"What do you think your perfect match is gonna be like?" Craig, who was in between Kenny and Cartman, randomly asked.

"I swear if there's another Cartman, I'm gonna kill myself." Kyle groaned.

"Do us all a favour and do it now." Cartman snorted.

"Shut up, fatass." Kenny rolled his eyes at him.

"You can't say that! I've lost weight."

"Yeah, like, half a pound." Kenny retorted.

"Guys!" Stan interrupted. They all stared at him. "Just, can't you guys shut up for two minutes?"

"Didn't you see your doctor about being a cynical asshole?" Cartman laughed.

"Yeah, so?" Stan wolfed down his lunch and headed back to class a few minutes early. He sat outside the door. When the bell rang signalling the end of lunch, he rushed inside. There was a single file on every desk in the room. As Stan sat in his chair, he surveyed the file. There was a small picture of a girl inside and she looked a lot like he did. Her long black hair flowed down her shoulders and she wore a blue hat, much like his. "Stella March, hmm." saying the name aloud made him feel funny. The strange feeling made him uneasy.

"So," Kyle said as he sat down next to Stan, "Who did you get?" Stan pulled the file away just as Kyle looked over his shoulder. "Fine, don't tell me."

"All right class settle down, now your homework assignment is to find out as much about your partner as possible. Now, I will have a little surprise waiting for you on Monday morning," Mr. Garrison smiled at this last comment, and it felt as though the whole class shifted uneasily.

Stan's phone went off.

"Hey Stan" Wendy said on the other end. "What's going on?"

"Doing the homework, y'know, about our 'partners'."

"Who'd you get?" she asked.

"Some chick named Stella March." he replied. "What about you?"

"Wendel Eataburger." she was silent for a minute. "Proposition."

"What?"

"No matter how much we like our 'match,' we stay true to each other."

"Ok. Works for me." Stan looked out his window.

"Ok, bye then."

"Later." he hung up the phone. Stan booted up his laptop and Googled 'Stella March' and went to images. The first one he saw was her at the X-Games on the half-pipe. The next was her holding the second place trophy.

"Wow, she's a… skateboarder." he pulled the file out of his book bag.

Stella March

Age: 16

Birthday: June 10, 1999

Interests: Skateboarding, Video Games, Bass Guitar

Best Friend: Kylie Broslosski

Often Seen With: Kylie Broslosski, Kendal MacCermick, Erica Cartmine

Nunber of Answers Similar: 49/50

Number of Answers Different: 1/50

"Whoa."

Stan walked into class on Monday. He started to his seat, then stopped.

To find it was already taken. By a girl. She turned to him.

"Hey, how's it goin'?" Stella asked him. Stan stood with his mouth open.

"Dude, don't-don't drool on the desk." said a girl in Kyle's desk. She pushed back a clump of red hair in her face.

"SURPRISE!" Mr. Garrison yelled.

"What kind of sick joke is this?" Cartman shouted.

"Shut it, Eric. You will be spending the remainder o the month with your new partner. You are NOT TO BE SEPARATED for one minute. Understood?" the double sized class nodded. "Good. My class will be seated on the floor next to their desks and Mrs. Garison's students will be in the desks. Now for today's lesson; Doppelgangers. Now can anyone tell me…?" Mr. Garrison's voice trailed off into the background. Stan stared at Stella in awe. _How the hell did I get this sexy chick?_


	2. Kyle Brofloski

_**What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?**_

**CHAPTER 2: Kyle Broflovski**

**Day: Monday**

**~By ViraLayton~**

**~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~**

"Psssst… Kyle… I need help…" Kylie whispered to him. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"for the last time, NO." he looked down at his test.

"Will you two shut up?" Stella angrily asked.

"Tell her to stop trying to copy me." Stan replied.

"She wouldn't. I know her." Kylie laughed with Stella.

"Girls, quiet down." Mr. Garrison growled.

"Sorry, sir." they chorused. Kyle rolled his eyes. He raced as fast as he could through the test and handed it in. the bell rung and Kyle gathered his things. Kylie threw her arm around Kyle's neck in a choke hold. She put her head on his shoulder.

"Y'know I'm supposed t' stay wit you." she said with a funny accent.

"WHAT?" he felt like he just go slapped in the face.

She pulled him up and stuffed her stuff in his bag. She grabbed him by the back of his jacket and dragged him out of the school. She turned to him.

Kylie smelled the air. "Is that… funnel cake?"

"No it's Chinese."

"Oh."

"I'm not supposed to have Chinese food. I'm Jewish"

She smiled, "I'm It's good!" Kyle told her.

"I know, right? I always sneak out of my house and go somewhere like Pizza Hut or Fuchy Wok."

"Fuchy Wok?"

"Hey, don't hate." the continued to walk to Kyle's house. When they got there, Kyle stopped her.

"I'm gonna go break the news to my mom. You stay here. Got it?"

"Yep."

Kyle walked in and past Ike, who was sitting on the couch.

"Gonna go tell mom about Kylie?" he asked, not looking up from his book, Great Expectations.

"Shut up." he threw his backpack at him, but Ike effectively dodged it. Kyle marched into the kitchen. Kyle's mom looked up at him.

"Kyle! You're home; how was school?" she asked.

"Fine, mom. You remember how we had to a project on our partners?" She nodded. "Well today, Mr. Garrison surprised us."

"How so?"

"When we walked in, they were sitting in our seats."

"Oh really? How is she?" his mom interrupted.

"She's fine. There was a twist though. They have to stay with us for a month and never leave out sight.

"What, what, WHAT?" she almost dropped what she was cooking.

"Yeah, she's outside." his mom sat down at the table.

"Then let her in." Kyle rushed to the door and opened it. Kylie walked in and saddled up to the table. She stuck out her hand.

"Kylie Broslosski. Nice to meet you."

"Sheila Broflovski. It's nice to meet you, too." she shook her hand. "Kyle, you be nice to this girl."

"Yeah mom." he took his book bag from Ike and headed up the stairs. "C'mon Kylie, we've gotta do that stupid homework on Doppelgangers."

"Oh, yeah. Crap! I've gotta go get my sis, Izzy." she remembered.

"It's alright, I've got her, Kylie." Ike piped up.

"Oh, was she yours?" she asked.

"Yeah. She's in my room reading a phonebook." he didn't look up from his book.

"Figures. Let's go, Kyle!" she pushed him up the stairs. She stopped at the top.

"My room us the last one on the right. Bathroom's right across from it." he told Kylie. "You'll have to stay in my room; we don't have any guest rooms."

"'S alright. I don't mind sleeping with a boy." she giggled. Like a legit girl.

Kyle saw her walk past. He walked after her into his room and shut the door behind him. _HOLY HELL YES!_

"Kyle, don't even think about it." She threw herself onto his bed. It made a funny noise, like air was rushing from it.

"Too late. I already did, like, five seconds ago." They both laughed. He dug through his book bag and took her stuff out of it.

"I think I'll make myself comfortable then" she sat up and pulled something out of her back pocket.. She took some tape from his desk and hung it up on the wall. It was a poster of The Terrance and Phillip Show. Kyle looked at it with his jaw wide open.

"You are a weird girl." she laughed at him.

"you're funny. I think I'm gonna like you." his face turned red.

"Yeah, sure." he smiled.

Kylie took her stuff from Kyle and flipped through her book. She pulled out Kyle's file.

"Y'know, you're not at all what I thought you were gonna be." she said. Kyle looked over her shoulder.

Kyle Broflovski

Age: 16

Birthday: June 10, 1999

Interests: MMORPG, Rockband, Chemistry

Best Friend: Stan Marsh

Often Seen With: Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormack, Eric Cartman

Nunber of Answers Similar: 47/50

Number of Answers Different: 3/50

"Yeah. I don't seem like much fun on paper, do I?" Kyle said

"Mmm, not really." she put it back in her book.

"What's that?" he asked.

"This? It's just my binder. I keep everything in here."

"Everything?" he asked suspiciously.

"You be quiet." she shoved him. Kyle and Kylie raced through their homework and were called for dinner. They ate in silence. Ike stared at Kyle.

Kyle looked up, "What?"

"Don't think about that." he whispered.

"Too bad, I already did." Kyle smirked. Ike glared at him. Kylie elbowed him.

"Stop it." she murmured. Kyle, being first done. Took his dished to the sink then proceeded o his room. Kyle silently ran up behind him and jumped on his back, catching him off guard. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he stumbled forward.

What stopped him was a wall. He ran into it hard, causing Kylie to fall off him. She jumped up.

"Are you alright?" he rubbed his nose.

"I'll be fine." he opened the door to his room and sat on the edge of his bed. Kylie sat next to him. She sighed, looking at the clock on his wall.

"it's only 6?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'd normally watch Terrance and Phillip, but mom found this cooking channel and it's on non-stop." Kyle groaned. Kylie stood in his doorway, then had a great idea. She shut the door and ran to the window. She threw it open.

"Let's go." she looked at him.

"As in, sneak out?" she nodded. "Where?"

"City Wok. I got money. Your mom's cooking blows, anyway." Kyle smiled. They silently jumped from the window to the tree conveniently next to it. They shimmied down it then disappeared down the road. They ate at City Wok then ran back. They jumped into Kyle's room just as Kyle's mom came in to say goodnight.

"Good night, Kyle, Kylie."

"Night mom." she shut the door. Kylie laughed.

"That was fun, wasn't it?" she asked him

"Very." Kyle took off his jacket and threw it at the bottom of his door. "So mom thinks I'm actually asleep."

"That's what I do!" she laughed. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"So, what're we gonna do?" Kylie enquired.

He shrugged his shoulders. He walked over and hurled himself on his bed. She sat next to him. He kicked off his shoes. She laid down next to him.

"What're you doing?" she rolled over onto her side and looked at him.

"You and I are a lot alike."

"I wonder why we got paired up." he sarcastically said. She nudged him. Kyle sat up. She stared at him.

"I wonder too… heh." She chuckled. She slid off her shoes and stood up. She dragged Kyle off the bed and stood him in front of her.

"You're cool." she whispered, adjusting her hat. Kyle then noticed that they weren't only alike personality-wise, but she _looked_ a lot like him. Green lumberjack hat, orange jacket, green pants in all. Her gloves were in her pockets.

She grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him up close to her. They were flush to each other.

"It's like looking into a mirror." she whispered.

"A very pretty mirror." Kyle joked. They laughed. She looked at him.

"I think that the test was right." she put her head on his shoulder. _What is she doing? _Kyle wondered.

"I think so too." he whispered. Kylie looked back up at him. He gave her a nervous smile.

Then she did something Kyle didn't expect. She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips.


	3. Kenny McCormack

_**What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?**_

**CHAPTER 3: Kenny McCormack**

**Day: Tuesday**

**~By ViraLayton~**

**~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~**

Kenny walked out of school. This was the second day his girl hadn't been there, and he didn't understand why. French girls were so vulnerable. As Kenny trudged down the sidewalk, someone tapped him on he shoulder. He spun around. There was a girl in a dirty orange hoodie, orange pants and yellow skirt. Her hood concealed her eyes, but her blonde hair came out the side and there was a blonde curl sticking out of the other side of her face.

"_Bonjour_." she mumbled.

"Uh, Hi." Kenny turned around. She ran up next to him.

"_Je m'appelle Kendal. Et toi_?" she looked at him.

"Sorry, my English is not good. I thought you maybe speak French." she told him.

"Your English is pretty damn good. Better than mine." he looked at her. _Is she… mine?_

"I am Kendal MacCermick. Are you Kenneth?"

"I prefer Kenny, but yeah. I'm Kenny McCormack." he informed her. She laughed. Kenny saw her pull something out of her pack pocket. A flask.

"Was that… whiskey?" Kenny asked.

She shook her head. "Stronger, scotch mixed with rum." Kenny's jaw hung open.

"Your parents let you drink?"

"In Paris there no age when you can start drinking. I have been drinking all my life." she mumbled.

"Dat's cool. But why do you have it HERE?"

She pulled out a chain from around her neck. "This is a legal doctor's permit. I am legally allowed to drink here because if I do not I will die. Well, as legal as I can get; my parents are illegal immigrants."

"Wait, you didn't immigrate here?"

"No. my parents snuck over here when they was juveniles."

Kenny made a 'hm.' face and kept walking toward his house. 'In the ghetto' as Cartman would say. Kendal followed him.

"I am supposed to stay with you, remember?" Kendal reminded him.

"Oh, shit, my parents are gonna be really pissed." Kenny hollered

"Why?"

"Another mouth to feed."

She rolled her eyes. Kenny crossed the rail that separated the middle class families from the poor families. Kendal stopped.

"C'mon, Kendal." she didn't budge, "what's wrong?"

She shook her head, taking her flask out and downing part of it. "Nothing, thought I heard something."

Kenny started toward the rail back to her, then stopped. He heard a horn.

"Damn it, get over here, NOW!"

"Wh-" Kenny grabbed her wrist and pulled her across. The train missed her by less than an inch. They tripped and Kendal fell on top of Kenny. She was shaking violently.

"You'll survive." he stood her up, brushing dirt off his pants. She nodded. He pulled her away from the rails and headed toward his house. She leaned on him. He rolled his eyes. He pulled open his door and dragged her in. Kenny's brother and sister stared at him.

"Who's she?" Kevin asked.

"A girl. Shut it, I'll be in my room."

"Ke-"

"Come on, Kendal." he dragged her away from his family. Kenny walked into his room and locked the door behind Kendal.

"What are you doing?" she yelled at him

"Keeping you sane. My family is a bunch of drunk, high, whores. They will try to suck you in."

"I will be too drunk to notice." she whispered, pulling out her alcohol concoction. She downed the rest of it. "Damn, it's gone. Kenny, where is the nearest bar?"

"The other side of town."

"Liqueur store?" she asked.

"Few houses down. Big flashing lights that say BAR."

"Alright. I will be back." she turned to go out the door, then turned to the window. She threw it open and rolled out into the back yard. Kenny gawked at her.

"Come on then." she whispered to him. He jumped out after her, following her down the road. He jogged up next to her. She didn't look at him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting my medicine." she walked up to the door of the door and pulled out her chain before walking in.

"hurry up." Kenny stood just inside the door. She trudged over to the bar. She pulled out a hundred dollar bill and her necklace charm. The bartender reached under the bar and pulled out a case of scotch and a small barrel of rum. She nodded and took both, the barrel under her arm. She threw the case of scotch at Kenny.

"You're carrying that." she laughed. He imaginarily slapped himself then followed her out. They rushed back into Kenny's room a little after 11. Kenny set the scotch down on his bed. Kendal put the barrel under the window and popped the top. She filled her flask and dumped part of it back in.

Kenny took one of the large bottles of scotch and opened it. "Mind if I try?" she giggled

"Not at all. But I will tell you, it is very strong." Kenny took a big swig of it, ignoring her completely. His eyes almost popped out of his head. Kendal broke out into laughter. Kenny swallowed all that he had put in his mouth.

"That. Is. INSANE."

"It keeps me awake. If that is insane, then the rum is completely mental." Kenny felt a bit light-headed.

In other words, he was partially drunk. Kendal took the scotch from him and downed half the bottle, pouring some of it in her flask. She handed the bottle back to Kenny.

"This should stave me tomorrow. Ken, I dare you to drink the entire rest of the bottle."

"Ken?"

"Your name super-shortened. Drink it."

Kenny shrugged his shoulders. He brought the bottle to his lips and tilted his head back. Kendal smirked. Kenny drank the entire rest of the bottle, which was A LOT. Like about as much as in a can of soda. Kenny handed her the bottle and flopped on his bed.

"Kendal, am I drunk?"

"Well that is a stupid question. But yes, very."

"I like it."

"You also might be high, I'm not sure."

"CAN I? Canicanicanicanicanicanicani?"

"No. Kenny you can be drunk. not high."

Kenny looked intently at her. She pushed him back onto his bed and laid him on his back. She laid next to him. "Guess what, Kenny? You are going to be really hung over tomorrow, too."

Kenny passed out.

"Kenny, dude, are you alright?" Kenny glared at Stan.

"He's just a li'l hung over. That is all." Kendal whispered, which to Kenny sounded like normal talking.

"Oh, sorry bro." Stan walked away.

"Poor, poor Kenny." she shook her head. "Should not have drank the entire thing and then some more while you slept."

"I drank some in my sleep?" he moaned.

"Well, you got up, drank out of the barrel of rum, then laid back down." she whispered. Kenny whimpered. "You will be fine. The more you drink, the more the feeling goes away." she rubbed his back.

"Ah, Kendal, I see you will be joining us, finally." Mr. garrison said to her when he walked in.

"_Oui, monsieur. _I guess I will." she flashed him a smile. Kenny put his head in his hands. _This is gonna be a long day. _Kenny fell asleep, relieving his hangover a bit. The bell for lunch rang and Kendal dragged him out of the classroom. She pulled him to her locker, then outside to the playground. She dragged him up a tree and perched next to him. She handed him the flask, which he took with a smile. He drank half of it.

"Save some for me." she tittered. He handed it back to her. She put the cap back on it. They stayed up in the tree until the end of the day, making small conversation. Stan and Stella came up to them when the day ended.

"Were you here the entire time?" Stan asked.

"Yes." Kendal snickered. Kenny grabbed the branch and flipped down, hanging upside-down.

"Hey!" he gave them a goofy smile.

"Dude, are you high?" Stella asked.

"Close, I'm DRUNK!" he fell out of the tree, landing on his head.

"Oh my god, is he alright?"

"Kenny'll be fine. C'mon, Stella." they walked away. Kendal jumped down from the tree. She stood him up. He looked dazed.

"I'm in pain, but I can't feel it. Is that normal?"

"When you are drunk, yes. I do not feel pain."

"Cool."

Kendal laughed. "Come on, Kenny. I'm gonna take you home. Maybe, just maybe, I'll let you have some more."

"REALLY!" he stared in awe at her. She nodded. "I think I'm gonna like you!"

"Everybody does, Kenneth. Everybody does." Kendal sighed.


	4. Eric Cartman

_**What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?**_

**CHAPTER 4: Eric Cartman**

**Day: Wednesday**

**~By ViraLayton~**

**~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~**

Cartman hadn't met Erica yet. Well, other than the fact that for three minutes she was in his seat. But other than that, she wasn't there. he was walking with Kyle, Stan, and a VERY drunk Kenny after school when a girl went up to them with index cards. She handed one to each of them, then ran up with the girls.

"Stupid Jew?" Kyle read his aloud.

"Mine's blank." Stan sounded confused.

"I think mine says poor lame-ass." Kenny mumbled.

"Mine has her number on it." Cartman bragged.

"No one cares." Stan rolled his eyes.

"Think that was Erica?" he asked.

"Probably, considering she called me a stupid Jew." the girl ran back up to Cartman.

"Erica Cartmine."

"Eric Cartman."

She nodded. The girls went to their respective partner. Stella and Stan stood tensely next to each other, Kylie had her arms wrapped around Kyle, and Kendal was supporting the very drunk Kenny. Erica leaned on Cartman.

"Carmine, when is this thing s'posed to be over?" Stella asked.

"About a month."

"Aww…" Kyle and Kylie moaned in unison.

Cartman gave them a look. "Quit being so clingy, you stupid Jews, it's gonna make me sick."

"SHUT UP CARTMAN!" they yelled.

"Nice." Erica whispered, putting her hand out like a high-five, which he gave her. They all went their separate ways, Erica following Cartman.

"Oh, right, you're s'posed t' stay with me." he reminded himself.

"Gonna be fun?" she asked him.

"Maybe. Depends on what your idea of fun is."

"violent video games and sex." she said with a straight face.

"One of those I can do." Cartman answered. She snickered.

"Really?" she inquired. He nodded.

"Just wait and see." he rolled his eyes. Carman led her to his huge house. She smirked and rolled her eyes. She grabbed him by his shoulders and pinned him against the wall. Cartman looked confused.

"I need to set a few rules with you. A, Call me Cartmine, not Erica. B, NEVER call me a skinny bitch, I'm not. And C, don't EVER call me your girlfriend. Deal?" she glared at him.

"Well, I have some for you." He turned the tables, pinning her against the wall. "A, Call me Cartman, B, Don't call me a fatass, and C, don't call me your boyfriend. Deal?"

She rolled her eyes and walked into his house. Cartman's mom wasn't home.

"Where's your mom?" Erica- err, Cartmine wondered.

"Not here." he trudged up to his room. She followed him.

"I'm not gonna like this, at all." Cartmine whined.

"I ain't liking your attitude."

"Neither am I. And I ain't got an attitude." she looked around. "Where's your Bathroom?"

"Down the hall." He waited until she was gone then ran into his room, slamming the door behind him. "HOLY SHIT THIS GIRL'S AMAZING!" he howled. The door was shoved behind him. Cartman flew forward as Cartmine opened the door. He stood in front of her and glared at her.

"Now class, your homework for tonight is to create an essay telling why your partner is the perfect match for you. It will be three paragraphs at the minimum. Got it?" the class chorused a quiet yes. Mr. Garrison handed out papers to each student. Cartman and Cartmine looked at each other and shared a silent laugh.

_The reason? She's exactly like me. _he snickered.

"So, how are you my perfect match?" Cartmine asked Cartman, scanning the paper quickly.

"Hmm… we have angry personalities." she hit him.

"we have nothing alike, Cartman." she took out a pen and put the end in her mouth.

He stared at Cartmine "Really? We're EXACTLY alike." she gave him a 'You're kidding me' look.

"How?"

"You're my doppelganger. A Gender-bent doppelganger, but still."

"That's impossible." she scoffed.

"I'll prove it. I'll say things I know about you that are like me." he challenged

"Go ahead, you'll ne-"

"You're 16, you were born on June tenth, 1999, you Love to eat, you live with one of your parents, the other is dead, you hate two of your friends, you-"

"STOP!" Cartmine cried. "Alright, fine, we're alike, but, I don't-"

"Admit it, Cartmine. You actually think this was a good idea." he was trying to rub it in her face.

"That's because it was my idea! " she cried. Cartman stared at her.

"Really?" she nodded. He leered at her. "you actually like me, don't you?" she looked directly at him.

And nodded.

_Hold on, is she… crying? _He thought. "Are you alright?"

She started to talk, "I hate everything about you-"

"-Why do I Love you?" he finished. She gave him a weak smile.

"Considering how this was your idea, it was a pretty good one." he whispered

"Yeah. Well, now you know." she put he essay back in her book bag. He gave her a once-over. Perfect figure, gentle face, dark eyes.

Incredibly sexy. Bad-ass personality. The list kept going in his head.

"So, now what?" Cartmine asked.

Cartman shrugged his shoulders. "Quickie?"

She slapped him, "HELL NO!"

He rubbed his face, "Worth a shot to ask."

Cartmine got up and laid herself in bed. Cartman looked around, then finding his eyes kept landing on her. He took out a pencil and wrote his essay on Erica Cartmine.

Eric Cartman

Mr. Garrison

Essay on Partners

**DIRECTIONS: Write an essay on your partner telling why he/she is the perfect match for you. Include similarities and differences, and what could be better about them. It must be a MINIMUM of three paragraphs.**

**Essays will be due at the beginning of class tomorrow.**

_Erica Cartmine_

_Age: 16_

_Birthday: June 10, 1999_

_Interests: Evil plotting, Dieting, Amusement Parks, Rockband, Hunting_

_Best Friend: Stella March_

_Often Seen With: Stella March, Kendal MacCermick, Kylie Broslosski_

_Nunber of Answers Similar: 50/50_

_Number of Answers Different: 0/50_

_Unless you're an idiot and can't read, Erica Carmine and I are everything alike. She's my shadow. A mirror image of me, and that's fun, because when there's two of someone around, all hell breaks loose and it gets fun._

_Cartmine, as she likes to be called, has the same interests as myself. We both rock to Rockband, try to slim down while dieting, plot evil against our friends, and hunt. With legitimate guns. And she likes amusement parks, most likely money too._

_I wouldn't change anything about Cartmine if I could. Other than her attitude, which she says she doesn't have. she's really mean. and pushy. And in a band… Hm. Cartmine is almost like a doppelganger that we learned about. A Gender-bent doppelganger._

_As for why? There's another me in the universe._

_So HELL YES, she's a damn near perfect match. Is it weird or what?_

_-Eric Cartman on Erica Cartmine-_

Cartman passed his essay up the row as class began. Cartmine looked upset.

"What's eating you?" he whispered to Cartmine.

She shook her head. "Nothing. Just mad at you."

Cartman was perplexed. "Why?"

"Because I hate everything about you, but it's only when I stop to think about it." she spoke quietly.

He rolled his eyes. Cartman felt someone staring at him. He turned and saw Stan gazing at him.

"What?" he tipped his head.

"Nothing. You two are weird." he tuned back to the front of the room.

"No, you and Stella are weird 'cause you're dating Wendy." he jeered.

"Whatever. Oh yeah, Kyle and Kylie REALLY hate you."

He snorted. "What else is new?"


	5. Stella March Stan Marsh

_**What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?**_

**CHAPTER 5; PART 1: Stella March**

**Day: Friday**

**~By ViraLayton~**

**~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~**

Stan's phone rang.

"Yeah?… What's going on, Kyle?… Alright, be right there"

He shrugged his shoulders and hung up. "C'mon, we're going to Kyle's" she smiled and got up.

They left a note telling they were at Kyle's and left. Stan kept his arms crossed and looked very tense to Stella.

"Damn it! I'll be right back." she ran back into the house up to Stan's room. She pulled her skateboard out from under his bed and ran back outside. Stan was far away now. She put her board down, stepping on it. She gave herself a large push, rolling quickly after Stan. Her hair steamed behind her. She flew past Stan, who almost tripped after seeing her go so fast. She stopped at the curb doing an Ollie to impress him. He stood there with his jaw open.

"C'meer, you". She skated back to him and pulled him along next to her. She tried to stay as close as she could to him, but some things just called her name. Like the benches. Which she grinded the board on. Stan was in awe of her.

"Stan, your jaw is hanging open." he closed his mouth. She giggled then rolled her eyes. They walked up to Kyle's door. Before they could knock, Kyle flung open the door and pulled the both of them in. Stella stared at him then at Stan.

"Stella, I need to talk to Stan." She nodded. "Alone. Kylie's in my room." Stella smirked and proceeded up the stairs to his room. She flung open his door and saw Kylie doodling in her notebook. Her face was pale.

Stella stood in the door and stared at her. "Kylie?" she turned to her. Her eyes were red. "Kylie, what's wrong?" Stella worried.

Kylie sat up. She looked as if she's been crying. "It's Kyle and Stan. There's something going on with one of them and I don't know what it is." there was a knock on the door.

Stella saw a hot, black-haired, Canadian standing there. "I know." he said with a perfectly straight face.

"And you are-?" she asked.

"Ike Broflovski. Kyle's brother who knows everything he doesn't." he replied with the same straight face. "I'm the smartest person in all of South Park, but the only thing I know is that even though Stan is dating Wendy, I think there's something on between Stan and Kyle."

Kylie scoffed. "Yeah, right. Kyle's not… that way."

"You aren't related to him. They use the code word 'Style' a lot. Don't know what that means, but it's got something to do." Kylie and Stella affirmed. Ike turned and walked out.

"Kylie, you're gonna be fine. He's a dude. Guys are confusing."

"I…know. But. Stella, I kissed Kyle, then he told me that he, wasn't that into me, yet." She was tearing up. I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her. She shook a little.

"It'll be alright. If you can't have who you want, you can always find someone better." Stella whispered. There was a knock on the door.

"Stella? We gotta go." it was Stan. She whispered goodbye to Kylie and grabbed her board. She skated a few feet in front of Stan on the way back to his house. He grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her off. She turned on him.

"What is up with you?" she yelled "you're not fooling me! There's something going on!"

"There's nothing, Stella. Fuck off." he ran past her.

"Well." She spoke under her breath, "Now that's just not right. Glad there's only a week left."

Stella skated back to Stan's house and slept on his couch.

Stella slept on his couch the next few days. She barely talked to him, and only when she had too. On Tuesday in class, she noticed Wendy and Wendel having an… intimate conversation.

"Damn it. That rat bastard is cheating on me." she spat. After class she ran up to him. He stared at her, piercing her soul. She have him, Wendy and Stan a red slap across the face.

"I HATE THIS!" she screamed. The three stared at her. "You're fucking cheating on me with on the ground and gave stan a good hard kick in the balls. She turned and skated away into the falling light.

"Damn."

**CHAPTER 5; PART 2: Stan Marsh**

**Day: Saturday**

Stan sighed and picked up his ringing phone. "What?"

"God, no need to be so rude, Stan." Cartman whined on the other end.

"What do you want?"

"Heard your girl split. Apparently, so did Wendy's. Hey, did Wendy break up with you?" he pressed.

"Yeah. AGAIN." Stan heard him chuckle. "What?"

"Now you can-"

"FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I'M NOT GONNA DATE KYLE." he moaned.

"Well, your call, fag." Stan heard the dial tone and hung up. He was tempted to throw the phone, but something stopped him. He had a message he hadn't read. He opened it.

_Stan, im sorry 2 hear bout u and wendy again. Wanna hang at my house for a bit?_

The message was sent a minute ago, so he didn't miss it by that much.

_Sure, what the hell. B there in a few._

Stan shoved the phone in his pocket and silently walked out to Stan's house. He knocked on the door. Kyle's mom opened the door.

"Oh hello, Stan!" she said in a way that sounded way too cheerful to Stan.

"Hi, Mrs. Broflovski." she smiled at him before being pushed out of the way by Kyle, who pulled him inside. Kyle shut the door and told him mom they were going to be fine. She left and Stan threw himself onto Kyle's couch.

"You ok, dude?" he worried.

"Just upset. You get that new song on Rockband yet?" he sat up.

"Umm, yeah, why?" Kyle stared at him. Ike came down the stairs, silently sat next to Stan. Kyle pulled out his X-Box. He started to get both guitars out, but Stan stopped him. Kyle was very confused.

"I'm gonna sing."

"DUDE! You NEVER sing."

He grimaced. "Well, I guess I'm in the mood to sing." he pulled out the mike and plugged it in. he grabbed a controller and flipped to the song.

"You sure you wanna do this one, Stan?" Kyle enquired, setting the guitar difficulty to 'Medium'

"Yeah, cause right now, I feel like a Monster." Kyle glared at Stan.

"Ha ha, very funny." He replied sarcastically. Stan rolled his eyes. He hit green to play. Ike stared at them, neither of them noticing.

_The secret side of me/ I never let you see/ I keep it caged but I can't control it._

_So stay away from me/ the beast is ugly/ I feel the rage/ and I just can't hold it_

_It's scratching on the walls/ in the closet/ in the halls/ _

_It comes awake/ and I can't control it/ Hiding under my bed/ in my body/ in my head_

_Why won't somebody come and save me from this/ make it end?_

_I feel it deep within/ it's just beneath the skin/ I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I hate what I've become/ the nightmare's just begun/ I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster/ I, I feel like a monster…_

The song kept going and eventually they finished it, 100% by the time that they were done, Ike had this look on his face like he just watched a man rape a dead girl. The two boys took a look at him and laughed. They put the X-box away and Stan left, feeling like he was now complete without that ho Wendy.

_Dude, what're you doing? You're crazy! That son of a bitch. I HATE THIS! Dude, you alright? YOU BASTARDS! Stan? It's alright… I'm got gonna kill you. I think someone's trying to kill me. you're imagining things. Go to sleep, Stan. You're probably just dreaming. No, it's a legit guy with a legit knife. Whatever._

"SHUT UP!" Stan cried. He put his hands on his head and curled up in a ball. He started sobbing, then feeling a hand on his back. He looked up at Kyle and threw his arms around him and gave him a long hug…

Stan bolted up in his bed, tears running down his face. He looked at his clock. The time red 3:15 a.m. he sighed and laid back down. He heard something stir and looked at his window.

_It's the man in the mask. And his knife… shit._ he thought.

The man stepped up to Stan's beside and pulled of his hat. Stan looked into the slits in the mask. His eyes… were like…

"Kyle?" he whispered. The man grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall. He shut one eye and threw his hands to his throat. Then though that he should know who it is. He grabbed the front of the mask and ripped it off. Ginger curls fell over his eyes.

"Any last words, Stan?" Kyle muttered.

"Why?" he wheezed.

"Because, Stan. You're just that vulnerable." Kyle pressed his knife to the side of Stan's face. Stan reached out one… last… time… and grabbed the skin between his eyes.

"You're… not… KYLE!" he ripped the second mask off and felt himself being dropped. The man rushed out the window, leaving behind only a mask and the faint scent of black roses.

And he knew they were black because they were scattered on his floor in the shape of a pentagram. Stan laid back down and cried himself to sleep.


	6. Kyle Broflovski

_**What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?**_

**CHAPTER 6: Kyle Broflovski**

**Day: Monday**

**~By ViraLayton~**

**~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~**

Kyle walked into class on Monday and saw Stan with his head down on the desk. There was at least five minutes before the bell rang, so he walked over to his desk.

"Dude, You alright?" he looked up at Kyle with glassy eyes.

"Do I l-l-look it?" he was shaking.

"What happened?" Stan pulled a sheet of paper out of his notebook and scribbled something on it.

_Someone came into my room last night and tried to strangle me_

"You're kidding me." Stan grabbed his collar, which Kyle just noticed had been up the entire time, and pulled it down, revealing a large black bruise all the way around the base of his neck. "Who would do that?"

"Do what?" Kenny walked up behind them. Stan nodded and Kyle whispered it into his ear. "Cartman."

"What?"

"It's either Cartman or Cartmine. They're scaring Stan so they can get Kyle." Kyle looked startled.

"Did you see who it was?" Kyle enquired. Stan nodded. "Who?"

"I pulled off his mask and it was you."

"What?" the other boys chorused.

"But that was just a mask. I ripped that one off but didn't see his face."

"Did he leave anything else?"

"A pentagram of black roses on my floor."

"Hm." the bell rang signalling the start of class. Mr. Garrison told them that this was the last day for the partners' thing and by the end of the day; they would be alone. The class whooped when Mr. Garrison told them. Kyle looked over to Stan, who looked like he was crying.

Kyle was walking to the right of Stan going home. He was shaking. Kyle breathed out a small cloud of white.

"Dude, you're fine." he whispered when Stan looked behind him for the tenth time.

He instantly turned on him. "No, it's not, Kyle. I almost died last night, so it's fine for me to be on the edge." he yelled. "I'm sorry dude-"

"No, I should be apologising." Stan smiled for the first time that day. "Anywa-"

"KYLE!" he turned toward the sound. Someone had Stan's arm behind his back and a knife to the side of his face. Someone pushed Kyle into the ally after him. He fell to the ground.

"What's happening?" Kyle whispered.

"I don't know." Stan shut his eyes. _Don't give up. Please, for the Love of god, Stan, don't. _He thought. Stan smiled weakly.

"Nice."

"Thanks."

The man that had pushed Kyle into the ally pulled him off his feet.

"Cartman." he growled.

"Stan, Kyle. I think you know how this is gonna go down." he gestured to the man holding Stan. SHE took off her mask. "Thank you, Cartmine." she smirked. "You do know, don't you?"

"No, fatass, we don't." Stan growled. She must have tightened her grip, because Stan squeaked.

"I'm going to have lovely Cartmine here do what she didn't finish. Killing Stan." Kyle saw Stan's face go into a look of horror. She threw her knife to Cartman and grabbed Stan by his neck, pinning him a few feet off the ground. Cartman pulled Kyle off his feet and turned him to look at him. "And you're gonna watch." Kyle glimpsed Stan's face turn purple. He tried to shake Cartman off.

"STOP!" they all looked at him. "Don't hurt him. If you're gonna kill someone, kill me." he stood up straight with his back at the end of the ally. Cartman grinned.

"Even better. Killing a Jew." Cartman gestured for Cartmine to put Stan down.

"That just makes you Hitler." stan said after she did.

He gave a goofy smile. He pinned Kyle against the back wall and teases him with the knife. "I think I'll make it fast, but not instant, and painful." _Oh god, this is it. "_Any last words?" kyle nodded.

"Stan, Thanks for being my best friend." stan gave him a small smile. Carman put the knife up to his heart and presses down slowly. It broke through his jack then touched his skin. Kyle shut his eyes and took a slow breath.

Cartman plunged the knife halfway into his chest. Kyle screamed. He felt tears stream down his face. Cartman pulled out the knife. Kyle stumbled forward and landed on his knees.

"KYLE!" stan screamed. He struggled against Cartmine's grip. Blood trickled out of Kyle's mouth and out of the gaping scar in his chest. He was breathing irregularly. He moaned in pain. "Kyle…" he looked up at stan.

"Thank you." he felt Cartman put a hand on his back and pull him back against the wall. He stabbed him once more, right underneath the other wound and plunged the knife in all the way. Kyle was to numb to scream. Cartman left the knife in him and cartmine dropped Stan.

He ran over to him. "Kyle… Oh my god." stan was crying. Kyle shut his eyes. "NO!" he opened up his eyes again. "Don't you dare." he sobbed. He looked at the entrance of the ally. Kenny was walking by. "KENNY!" he turned and looked.

"OH MY GOD!" he ran over, his hood falling off in the process. "What the hell?" he put hus hand on the handle of the knife. Kyle braced himself and kenny tugged it out as fast as he could. Kyle tried not to scream, but couldn't fight off the feeling.

"Where's your phone?" stan asked. "Never mind, I'll find it." he leaned him forward and pulled it out of his back right pocket. Stan handed it to Kenny. "Call 911." he nodded, took the phone and walked to the mouth of the ally. Stan gave Kyle a lug, not caring that his blood was all over his jacket.

"Stan, what kind of world do we live in?" he asked. Stan smiled.

"we live in a World So Cold."

"Where Love is divided by hate." he leaned back against the wall.

"Why?" stan asked. "Why did you do it?"

"Because I was the one Cartman wanted. And I couldn't stand to have him kill you. Kyle wrapped his best friend in a hug. Stan was still crying, and now Kyle was, too. "Holding my last breath. Thank you, Stan." shut his eyes and breathed out his last breath.

"NO!" stan put his hands on his shoulders and shook him. "Oh no. no. n-n-n-no. Kyle, open your eyes. Kyle?! KYLE!" his voice cracked. Kenny looked over and bowed his head. Stan put his head on his friends shoulder and kept crying.

Kenny put his hand on Stan's shoulder. "I'm so sorry." stan didn't answer. "I, uhm…" kenny couldn't find anything to say. He sat with them until the ambulance and police arrived.

_Kyle?_

_Kyle, c'mon dude._

_Kyle, it's been a month._

_You gotta wake up._

_For me?_

_*Sigh* It's stan._

_Dammit, Kyle Wake up!_

_Please._

… _I miss you, Kyle._

_Kyle. C'mon dude._

_Kyle?_

"Kyle?" I opened my eyes. The ceiling above was white. There was a constant beeping that sounded like it was a heartbeat monitor or something. "Kyle?" stan sounded hopeful. I sat up. I was in a hospital. Stan looked at me.

"Stan?" his face was lit up instantly. "Dude, what happened?"

"We were in a car accident with an 18-wheeler. We were all fine, I broke a rib, but you've been in a coma for a month." I nodded.

"Before I woke up, were you talking to me? Telling me to wake up?" he nodded guiltily. "Thanks." I slid over to the edge and swung my legs off. I went to stretch my arms, but Stan jumped up and stopped me. He gestured to my right shoulder. It was wrapped in a large bandage.

"You had your shoulder blow apart. It'll be fine when it heals." I shoved him.

"Quit moming me."

"I'm not your mom, bro." he joked. "did you have one of thoes weird dreams that people normally have?" I nodded. "Well?"

"I… the start was weird. The end was, well. Really… bad." he gave me a look that said 'I care, tell me' So I told him everything I remembered. Then I got to the end and froze.

"Kyle?" he stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. "What happened?" I looked up at him.

"Stan, Cartman almost killed you, and he killed me." he took a step back.

"What? How?"

"The girl Cartman tried to strangle you and I stepped in to save you. He pinned me against a wall and stabbed me straight in the heart." his face read horror. I looked at my lap. I was in a damn hospital gown. Dammit! Stan tilted my head up.

"But that was just a dream. This is reality. That never happened." he said.

"Then how'd that bruise get around the entire base of your neck?" he looked confused then looked in a mirror.

"Damn, I thought that was gone!" he mumbled.

"Some of that actually happened, didn't it?" I enquired.

"Just the creepy person in my room. Get your clothes, I'll sign you out." he started to walk away.

"Stan?" he turned to me and I motioned him over. He smiled at me.

"Yes?" I jumped off the bed and stood in front of him. I threw my arms around his neck. He laughed. "Dude, no Style, not here."

"We're the only ones here." I whispered. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me.

"In the shadow of a doubt you always seem to pull me through, Kyle"

"I promise that I'll do my best to understand." we both laughed.

"Thank you" he whispered, tightening his grip. I tightened mine, but not to much as to hurt him because of his bruise.

"Your welcome."

**~To Be Continued "In Style"~**

**:D**

_**Song References:**_

_**~"I hate everything about you-" "-So Why do I Love you?"~ I Hate Everything About You, 3 Days Grace**_

**I, I Feel Like a Monster**_**~ Monster, Skillet**_

_**~"Stan, What kind of world do we live in?" "we live in a World So Cold"~ World So Cold, 12 Stones**_

_**~"Holding my Last Breath"~ My Last Breath, Evanescence**_

_**~"In the shadow of a doubt you always seem to pull me through, Kyle" "I promise that I'll do my best to understand."~ Here I Go Again, The Sunstreak**_

**Kthnxbi!**

**ViraLayton and MARIO_MARTINO**


End file.
